I promised I wouldn’t apologize for hiatuses–long or short–any more so I won’t. I’m not sorry for not writing.
Okay, that’s not exactly true. I don’t feel like I should apologize for not writing and I doubt any of you much think I should either.
I do regret not writing, though, even if it is only blogging, because that always feels like a lapse to me, especially when it’s not a conscious, deliberate choice.
I’ve been thinking a lot about motivation lately.
It’s not that I’m an unmotivated person. I really love accomplishing things. I love to-do lists and progress and being that sort of tired you are after you’ve had a long, active day. I feed off that, as I imagine many other people do.
It’s more like there’s a point, in any given day and any given week, when the day or week feels lost. I spend too much time on Twitter and reading articles and watching clips. I skip yoga. Even though it’s been beautiful out lately, I don’t go for as many walks as I want. It’s miserably easy to distract yourself and the more that gets pushed back, the more likely it is the whole week is lost. It’s not that I accomplish nothing; it’s that I accomplish only what I have to–and, to me, that’s not enough. It’s something I have to actively work against, especially when so much of my time is self-structured.
The good news is that every day and week is a new opportunity. I get a reset. I can maintain my optimism and set reasonable goals. (Ambition cannot exceed time or ability.) I can be disciplined. I haven’t really been on social media today. That’s probably a good thing, for a Tuesday. I’ve already knocked out a few easy things. Momentum is a motherfucker, but it’s so useful.
I’m also thinking about changing my approach, at least to writing. I used to be very deadline driven. It works, especially when you’re school. But being deadline driven is also being product driven. A completed draft by X. Y number of words. A revision in time to submit to Z. And I’m finding it works less and less for me.
I’ll probably write more about this tomorrow or Thursday, but I think I’ve been going through some writerly changes the last few years. I thought (and feared) it was stagnation, but lately I’ve been feeling it’s culminating in something–it wasn’t worthless, in other words. But I do have to embrace and accept it.
Which means, perhaps, another approach. I don’t care about deadlines right now (except for a few: Master’s Essay draft due, grades due, etc.). I care about working.
This is not to say I’m giving up my to-do lists. They’re mine and no one can have them. But they can and have evolved, too. It’s a good thing, I’d argue, to pause and think about the goals you set every so often. Why that thing? Why in those terms? And if you don’t, what?
What do you want to accomplish this week? This month? This year?